perhaps a non-believer? you be the judge

Is there some form of a Supreme Being, Spirit, or Energy that influences our lives?
Or are we in charge of our own well being?

In the days of my innocence, I prayed for help to achieve goals that were so important to a young boy; "Help me pass my algebra test, God," "Make Loretta fall in love with me," "Don't let me get sick."

Sadly, He rarely came through. As I went through my teenage years, attending synagogue often, saying the prayers for peace and good will to all men over and over again, I realized that we Jews, and Christians, too, have been saying the same prayers for peace and good will for thousands of years.

Is there anybody listening to these prayers?

Over years, I've come to realize that if we want something to happen, we must do it ourselves. There is no Supreme entity that is going to help us achieve that which we want for ourselves and others. If it is good grades, we must study and learn the material. If we want to win the lottery, we must buy tickets. If we want to make the world a better place, then we must be prepared to do our part, no matter how insignificant it is in the whole scheme of things. If we want that promotion, we have to have the knowledge and ability to get it. We are the supreme power in achieving that which happens to us.

If we don't have the power to accomplish that which we want, then Fate will intervene. We, as individuals, don't always have the power of ability to get that which we want. We can't keep an elderly loved one with us forever. We're not equipped to prevent death. We can't always get that promotion because there may be someone better equipped than we. I am reluctant to assign a supreme being to being the determining factor.

Do we have to factor in a reason for something unexplainable happening? Why did he/she die so young and unexpected? Why are there random fatal acts of nature? Why did I turn out the way I did? It happened! Does "why?" always have to have an answer? Life isn't always neat and explainable. It's random. To some, an explanation for the unexplainable is needed for peace of mind. For them, an unexplainable Supreme Being is the answer. Others will go on with their lives, wondering about the randomness of life. Wondering if there is something other than them involved in life's existence. Then there are those individuals who will continue to operate relying only on themselves and their own resources.

Where do I fit? Not sure. I question the "Why?" of Life often. wonder if there could be a Supreme Being. Yet I still believe in the philosophy of, "If you want something, don't count on anybody else to do it for your. Do it yourself." Please don't classify me an an Atheist or Agnostic. Those are beliefs and I am not sure I have any beliefs. I take life as it comes along, determined to make the best of what I have been given, all by myself.